I
have made note that my current digs are VERY quiet. That changed this morning
as I returned bedraggled from my weekly 10-k. Immediately behind me, sirens a
blaring, came the SFFD and an ambulance. Suddenly the lobby was alive with
octogenarians.
“Who’s
hurt?”
“I
smell smoke.”
“I
bet it’s Harry. Haven’t seen him for days.”
“Well,
if it’s Mable, it’s her third time this year.”
Twenty
minutes later the EMT’s departed and the lobby returned to its eerie quiet. I
didn’t see whether it was Harry or Mable.
I
guess I fit in with the majority agewise, although I do get stares when I come
in from running and I have noticed some squints of curiosity as the early
morning dog walkers look to ascertain what manner of imbicile could possibly be
in the fitness room at 5:30am when no responsible tenant would be found there
at noon.
But
better the snoozers than a heavy metal band practicing at 2:30am.
##########
He
sat next to me on the bus as I headed to the Plaza for Saturday refreshment and
heaved a great sigh, the kind you know is precursor to conversation. Without
prompting he volunteered “I’m not interested in the old gals and the younger ones
are too fast for me.” Never thought of it that way but he did have a point. We
rode several stops in silence, and as he rose to depart, “Higher maintenance,
too.” Got that.
##########
I am
working at adjusting my attitude toward interaction with strangers. Normally
when approached I glower and keep on moving. On airplanes when seatmates insist
on being social, I have been known to furl my brow and ask innocently, “Do I
know you?” When the jabberwocky answers in the negative, I respond “WELL
THEN WHY IN HELL ARE WE NATTERING ON LIKE LONG LOST COUSINS.” Works pretty
well.
But
I still find it disconcerting to be approached by a fellow shopper and asked my
opinion of a particular food product. It takes all my willpower to refrain from
a response like “gee, I wonder if that’s the cereal my dog got into just before
the rabies.” I’m working on it, but it ain’t easy.
##########
I
grew up in a blue collar suburb of Philadelphia, an Italian enclave attractive
to upwardly mobile South Philadelphia residents. The Clifton Heights school
system was by far the smallest in the area. It endured many challenges, not
least of which was suffered by the high school band.
Unlike
neighbors Darby, Eddystone, and Radnor, the Clifton Heights band was forced to
form the double letters “C and H” during football halftime activity. There was
always a frantic scramble to recruit band members to complete the formation,
musical talent not required.
As a
nerdy freshman I was thrust into this morass, and found myself the lone horizontal bar between
the two parallel lines of the “H.” Many a frozen Friday night I staffed this
critical post, clarinet poised, cheeks and fingers moving, no sound coming
forth. We also serve who only march in silence.
##########
A
constant source of annoyance (you may have noticed I have many) is the
consistent refusal of politicians (of every stripe, persuasion, and
affiliation) to provide reasonable answers to questions on talk shows, at press conferences, and
community forums. Not only skirting issues, but wholesale refusal to offer a
response remotely related to the question. Follows a short quiz:
Question:
Do you favor a bill that would delay or eliminate sequestration
Answer:
A.
I
have always supported our nation’s farmers and will continue to do so.
B.
We
must secure our borders.
C.
The
most vulnerable among us must be shielded from penury.
D.
I
have answered that question many times, and my answer remains the same.
Now,
match the answers with the profiles below:
1.
A
Midwestern politician from either party
2.
Any
of 535 plus untold state, regional, and local solons
3.
An
inner-city liberal
4.
A
southwest conservative
I am
considering shopping a new concept to the cable industry. A program titled:
YNR
– Yes, No, Refuse
Questions
would be put to the politician who would have but 3 options. Answer “yes,”
“no,” or “refuse” (to answer). Those selecting the first two choices would be
given one minute to clarify their response. At one minute a red light would
appear before the respondent. At 1 minute 10 seconds (assuming continued
monologue) a substantial electrical charge would be directed to the
respondent’s chair (greater entertainment value than simply cutting off a
microphone). The electrical charge would also be used to remind wayward
responders of the rules of the game.
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