2009-06 GEORGETOWN

Diane Sawyer of Good Morning America is on a tear exposing “Mountain Dew Mouth,” a condition in Appalachia (but apparently nowhere else!) that causes rampant tooth decay even in the very young through excessive consumption of the sugary soft drink. These folks are “victims”, and I have visions of ruthless soft drink executives force feeding their product down the throats of helpless mountaineers. I thought we had dealt with this issue when the Courts refused to accept the nonsense that a teenager who ate up to a dozen Big Macs a day was a “victim” of the McDonalds Corporation.

We seem oblivious to the reality that it’s about education and providing a framework in which to make positive choices, but it’s so much easier to simply assign blame. In much of America neither children nor their parents (unless you’re Asian) are much motivated toward education (unless it’s feel-good), and as a result, basic knowledge of nutrition, fractions, fitness, adjectives, and percentages takes a back seat to in-depth familiarity with Heavy Metal, fashion trends, and SMS texting.

Then when someone consumes insane amounts of fatty acids and blossoms into morbid obesity, or loses the $750,000 home they bought on a $25,000 salary, they are “victims,” with no mention of even a modicum of responsibility on their part. We have elevated “the dog ate my homework” and “it’s anybody’s fault but mine” to frightening heights. When I was young and came home with a note from the teacher describing an indiscretion, I was taken to the woodshed. Today parents hire a lawyer and sue the school.

#####

I used to organize “events,” and now that my commercial value rests somewhere between yodeling and hospital volunteer directing patients to the urinalysis room, I have been musing over getting back in the game. I’m contemplating a Las Vegas Smile-Off between Nancy Pelosi and Giada Pamela De Laurentiis (the Italian TV-chef with the alluring décolletage and even more prominent choppers).

And speaking of Mme. Speaker, might there be any truth to the rumor that some renegade Republican snuck into the House Chamber and hotwired her seat before the President’s address to Congress? Reminiscent of a star struck pre-teen at a Beatles concert.

#####

I recently attended a Fasching celebration, a once prominent and now languishing item on the annual Georgetown social calendar. Analogous to Mardi Gras, Karneval, and Swiss Fastnacht, it celebrates the coming of Lent with colorful attire, buffoonery, and bountiful libation. Centuries old in Europe, it began here in the 1950s, grace of mid-western implants of Germanic ancestry. From humble origins it reached a pinnacle in the following decade when the celebration boasted balls, banquets, and parades lasting 9 days, and when local donations and commercial sponsors sent the elected King and Queen to Munich to acquire first-hand understanding of the ancient tradition.

But the event has dwindled to a microcosm of its former grandeur, and this year’s affair took place in the modest Community Center on a chilly Friday evening before Ash Wednesday. After several formal presentations, the highlight of which was a matron describing in exquisite and exhaustive detail her 4 decades of Fasching delights, all assembled and I, apparently the sole attendee with less than a quarter century of Fasching tenure, were treated to a visual presentation, a half-century retrospective of Faschings past.

The first 300 or so slides were fascinating, but things began to unravel as several Queens of old took to tense debate over the identity of certain faces depicted on the screen. Ancient Kings huddled in the rear lusting after the liquid refreshment guarded by an antediluvian courtier under strict orders that not a drop should pass before the secession of formalities. A rousing good time was had by the hundred plus there to remember and me to discover.

#####

There is a sub-controversy over whether Americans on-balance approve or reject the Stimulus package. It’s fashionable to suggest that only inside-the-beltway Republicans are in the negative, while the rest of America is giddy in its enthusiasm. My take is that politicians of whatever stripe are enthusiastic – when did you ever encounter one who declined the opportunity to acquire and spend (someone else’s) money? And those who stand to be enriched are understandably overjoyed.

It is, however, the shrinking pool (the schlubs) who will pay the tab, not today or tomorrow but surely sometime in the future when the bill comes due. It is, sadly, our children and theirs who will be asked to repay the trillions or suffer from its default. Flash: it is reported that several Republican Governors contemplate refusing Stimulus largesse! Can you even contemplate the insanity? Refusing “free” government money?? Good golly Ms. Molly!!! And the Governator who says” send it all to me.” You can’t imagine the emotion that springs within me at the thought of my tax money being used to subsidize the California lifestyle.

#####

Michelle Obama on a televised tour of the White House kitchen spoke of the challenge to staff in preparing green vegetables that would be acceptable to the First Daughters. Many years ago I was taken to a restaurant in suburban Atlanta, famous for authentic Soul food. I recall the cuisine to be superb, but left a neat pile of collard greens on my plate, when an imposing matronly server walked up and bellowed in my ear “Eat’cha greens.” Worked for me.

#####

…the adventure appears determined to morph into springtime, but old timers simply smile when I inquire whether winter is truly past. To this point however, my quest for snow has been thwarted by the mildest winter in the memory of many here…
.
.