VIRGINIA 005

I’m conflicted over the “$$ for grades” craze sweeping the nation, where kids as young as 7 are awarded cash bonuses for good marks in school, with one program in New York even forking over cash for “C” grades. My enthusiasm for private enterprise (and not the misnomers “free enterprise” or “free markets” – neither markets nor enterprise are ever free), embraces rewards (monetary or otherwise) for exceptional performance. And yet I experience a vague unease when compensation need be proffered for behavior that has historically been rendered for the simple satisfaction of personal achievement.

We have already seen emergence of the oxymoron “paid volunteer.” Will the next step be to propose a stipend for citizens that report illegal behavior (we’re almost there with police hotlines remunerating tips “that result in arrest and conviction”). Will Boy Scouts request $2.00 for each aged citizen they escort through traffic? Will Red Cross workers pass the tip jar after rescuing the victims of famine and flood? Is there nothing we won’t do for free, for the simple joy of helping our fellow man?

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Flash: In the midst of the global economic crisis, Leesburg, VA, where my hat is temporarily hung, has approved $25,000 for a dog-walking park. I am considering petitioning for a diamond encrusted cat scratching post in the town square.

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A classic definition of bigotry is to ascribe negative attributes to an entire group or class of people. So those who condemn a minority as “lazy” or in any way inferior, are bigots. Likewise when Limbaugh labels all liberal females as “femi-nazies,” or Savage calls autism the "illness du jour," that would be bigotry (or in Savage’s case, bigotry compounded by idiocy).

Then what do we do with Garrison Keillor who hangs the sobriquet “freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians,…” on Republicans, not just the ones he particularly dislikes, but “Republicans.” Or Nancy Pilosi who finds total Republican fault but no Democrat complicity in the economic meltdown despite the pivotal involvement of Freddie and Fannie, long the darlings (and benefactors) of Democrat politicians. Or Air America/Daily Kos/MoveOn.org who, try as they might, cannot find an ounce of redeeming social value in anything conservative. Bigots, all? D’ya think?

And Good Golly, Ms. Molly, yes there are bigots on the right as well, scads of them. It’s just that I find the left so smugly superior in believing themselves better than “those people” on the other side of the philosophical tracks. Bigots to the left of me; bigots on the right.

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Today, mid-October, it is 3 degrees Fahrenheit in Georgetown, Colorado, and thoughts turn to white streets, ski slopes, and frosted window panes. And as in a dream in the midst of this reverie, I received (so help me) an offer of employment as a ski instructor in Colorado!!! If you find that difficult to process, coming from one bumbling well past the midpoint of his sixth decade, I did also and still do.

Thoughts of rosy-faced cherubs being turned into modern day Suzy Chapstick’s were quickly replaced by images of herding an unruly gaggle of 7 year olds across the frozen tundra. A final decision hasn’t yet been rendered, but I don’t anticipate seeing this métier on any future resume of mine, although it might mitigate the suspicion that age prevents me from walking and chewing gum simultaneously. And it might give pause to any of you who contemplate plunking down a king’s ransom for instruction at your favorite ski resort. Think of what you might get!

…the adventure bundles up and slaloms ahead…